Hi folks! Are you aware that this week is Asexuality awareness week? Well, it totally is! So today, for the first time ever, I’m happy to have a guest writer here on Scribo, ergo sum. A friend of mine, who wishes to remain anonymous, is here to tell you about asexuality. Without further ado, over to her:
This week is Asexuality Awareness Week – a week to ask attention for a sexual orientation that often remains invisible: asexuality. An asexual is somebody who experiences no sexual attraction. It is estimated that about 1 in the 100 people are asexual. For some people it is may be weird to realize that not everybody is a sexual being. Others aren’t at all surprised, and simply view the lack of sexual interest as one of the many possibilities on the spectrum of human sexuality.
But still, the statement “I am asexual” often evokes many reactions. I don’t feel resent towards the people who make them, but I do think it tells something about our society. Often those reactions come as questions in the first place: Are you sure about it? How do you know? Wanting to understand: Why don’t you experience lust? Don’t you masturbate either? But also concern: Have you had bad experiences? Are you afraid? And if it turns out that there is no reason, the “reassuring” hope: Perhaps it will come.
Yes, perhaps “it” will come – I don’t have a crystal ball. Maybe, tomorrow, or in five or ten or twenty years, I will be overwhelmed by a sudden gulf of butterflies and sexual lust. If it happens, I will embrace it. But I don’t want to hang around waiting for it. Why do people feel the need to reassure me (or themselves?) with the idea that my asexuality is a phase that will pass by? Do they wish me that ultimate enjoyment that they experience, but which I don’t crave? Do they think I am “incomplete”, in my asexual state, or unhappy? Do they think I will feel relieved by the promise of once becoming “normal”?
I am normal already, insofar that even exists. For me, asexuality doesn’t have to be a loaded word; it feels like a natural part of who I am. It also feels like a rather small part of who I am. Because actually, it is quite strange to define oneself based on what one’s not, and what one doesn’t experience.
So why then, do I still write this text? Partly for myself, and partly for all other asexual people you might already know, or you might come across in the future. Because I believe some more visibility wouldn’t hurt. Because I want to get rid of those inappropriate concerns and hopes. Because an option other than hetero-/homo-/bisexual would be handy in surveys. Because I don’t want to be asked to defend myself for “still” not having found a boyfriend. Because I want people to know that cuddling doesn’t have to equal foreplay. And if I am allowed to do a wish: Can we stop valuing sexual relations so much higher than non-sexual relations? Love comes in different forms, and one form shouldn’t be superior to all others.
So, what can YOU do?
The Basics
· Show respect if someone tells your they are asexual
· Be aware that not all people desire sex
· Be aware that one doesn’t need sex to be human, or to live a fulfilled life
· When you include a question about sexual orientation in a survey, include an option “asexual” and “other”
Advanced
· Educate yourself about asexuality
· Support asexual friends/acquaintances, by letting them know there is a place for them in the world.
· Recognize that there is a wide array of relationships, which can be romantic or platonic, sexual or non-sexual, etc.
· Refrain from automatically valuing sexual relations as more important than non-sexual relations
· Avoid framing sex, attraction and being in love as experiences that “everybody knows”
· Help spread the message! Share this with your friends and bring asexuality up in conversations whenever relevant.
Thank you, dear!
Winterdragon
