Transgender Day of Visibility has rolled around again, and seeing as we still have a long way to go before trans people have the respect, freedom and safety we deserve, I have a message to declare. It’s not a rant this time, not really. To spare the feelings of possible easily offended cis people, I even edited out all the swear-words!
Dear cis people:
- Please don’t murder us. (Yes, apparently this still needs spelling out.)
- Please respect our pronouns. If you struggle with this but want to show you’re doing your best, here are some tips:
- Practice talking about us when we’re not present, using our pronouns.
- If you slip up and notice it, quickly correct yourself and move on. E.g. “so he, sorry, I mean they…” Don’t make a big deal out of apologising.
- If you slip up and somebody corrects you, say “yes, thank you, I meant [correct pronoun]” and move on. Don’t argue or launch into a teary speech about how you didn’t mean any harm but it’s just soooo haaaard to get the pronouns right because of whatever reason.
- Correct others if you notice them using the wrong pronouns about someone.
- Please do your own research. That is, go to Wikipedia/Youtube/a library/ally communities/Q&A’s at pride events or whatever instead of pestering trans people about details of their personal lives. Whether you know them or not, whether you’re friends or lovers or acquaintances: You are never entitled to somebody else’s story.
- If a trans person opens up to you about their identity/experience/feelings/body/transition, please treat it like the great trust it is. Not everybody is comfortable being out in all situations, so make sure to ask in what circles they want their identity/transness known. Never out someone against their will, and never ever talk about somebody’s transition/private parts/whatever with other people without their express permission. If you want to mention the experience of your trans friend in a conversation in order to spread awareness, that is all right, but only if you make sure to generalise and anonymise unless you’ve been granted permission. The fact that some incredibly brave and generous souls decide to share their trans experience with the world does not mean that every trans person is obligated to do so. We have a right to privacy.
Dear trans siblings:
It is okay not to come out. The world is a hostile place, and there are a thousand valid reasons for not having the will/courage/energy to be open. It is okay to be open in some situations and remain in the closet in others. It is okay not to take the fight. A lot of the time, we have to dedicate all our resources towards plain survival. Remember this: You are still valid. You do not owe the world anything. I am in awe and gratitude of those of you who decide to share your experience with the world: you are the bravest of heroes! But whatever position you are in, remember this: Nobody is ever entitled to your story. You do not have to explain yourself to anyone. You still deserve all the respect there is. And being trans in this world, surviving is a radical act in and of itself. Hang in there, and know that you are never alone. ❤️
There’s a pride in my singing
The thickness of a new skin
I am done with belonging
Love and survival,
Winterdragon
