I stopped logging into Facebook about half a year ago. My partner suggested I’d leave off for a couple of weeks when I complained about feeling stressed. I gave it a go, in face of the fear of missing out. I was afraid my friends would forget about me if I stopped hanging around online. That I would miss invitations to parties and other events, and that the reclusive side of me would take over to the extent of actually going to live beneath a rock.
My fears proved to be mostly justified. I’ve missed at least five birthday- and housewarming parties as far as I’m aware. A whole bunch of friends and acquaintances who used to chit-chat or send me links to stuff I ought to check out I haven’t heard from at all. And I’m sure I’ve missed out on hundreds of fun post-pandemic events, and I’m in all likelihood unaware of tons of useful things to buy that I really can’t live without.
I am surprisingly okay with all this. It’s actually liberating not to be aware of all the interesting things going on, and refreshing not to scatter my attention between too many people. Not that I was constantly absorbed by the world of social media. The actual amount of time I spent engaging with it was probably a lot lower than average, at most an hour or two a day. But it’s not just the actual time spent looking at a feed or chattering away on messenger that drains energy, I’ve realised. It’s the mind-space constantly dedicated to processing that torrent of information that doesn’t turn off even when you’ve logged out.
That part of me is free now, and I do feel more whole because of it. I am more present in the things I choose to do, and I find myself appreciating the friends who have the energy to keep up communication through phonecalls, letters, and of course time spent physically hanging out a lot more. They’re fewer, but they’re the ones who matter. We’re the ones who have mutually chosen to matter to one another.
My fear of missing out is alive and well, however. It has found other outlets. Now I fear missing out on spotting tiny, bright yellow coltsfoot blossoming by the side of the road. I fear missing out on the taste of tender stinging nettles in a pie. I fear missing out on apple blossoms falling like snow on my face. I fear missing out on the cold water of the lake shocking life into my body. I fear missing out on sleeping under a sky streaked with shooting stars.
These fears don’t have me torn in a million different directions, however. They all point to one and the same course of action:
Go outside and notice the world around you.
Following this, I realise that perhaps it isn’t fear that’s ruling my life anymore. Perhaps it’s sheer, living lust. Perhaps you’ll find me returning to social media at some point in the future. But right now I’m thriving in other places.
Love and lust,
Winterdragon
