I passed. Not away, but the dissertation. I have a Master’s degree. I’m not a student any longer. How do I feel about it? I don’t know. Triumph? Relief? Joy? Calm? I guess those are the kinds of things I ought to be feeling. But I don’t know. I have no idea. All feelings related to my studies are buried beneath a deep layer of stress and anxiety. It will take more than the summer sun to melt all of that away.
I expect the sun, and weather in general, will help, though. Before me stretches my first free summer in ages, and it is full of mountains and music. Time will help. And my never-ending strife to learn to love myself. Little by little, I will come to terms with this, and dare think more seriously about the future.
Right now my state would be best likened to that of mild shock. Maybe I really have put it all behind me already, but I doubt it. Things have a tendency to linger in my mind for far longer than they’re due. Some day I suppose I’ll allow myself to feel this for real. In the meantime I’ll endeavour to enjoy the heck out of all this time which has suddenly opened up before me.
Happy solstice,
Winterdragon
