Learning to live

September is here. Today the term starts at the university back home. It feels overwhelmingly strange to not be responsible for and stressing over and being excited about a dozen things. September is usually one of the busiest months for me, what with new courses to study for, an astronomy club to organise activities for, the culture night with the planetarium and the institution to work at, new pieces to practice for the orchestra, a fantastic film festival to attend, roleplaying to take up again and new friends to meet and old ones to recap with after summer. Routines to get into again, both the good and the less constructive ones.

Now, none of that. This September I’m spending at the top of a mountain, at an island in the Atlantic ocean. It feels good. Peaceful, even. This is a calm and beautiful place, and the days are much the same. When not helping the observers I have time to read, to go for long and interesting walks, to run, and to think. I haven’t felt this relaxed and generally on top of things in ages. Apart from missing my friends and my cat I absolutely love this place and my existence here. It’s probably doing wonders for my mental health as well, solitude and sun and all. I hope I will bring some of the good habits I’ve developed here with me back home. From this place which feels like an island in both space and in time.

I’m missing out. Back home people are carrying on with their lives without me. Maybe they don’t even notice that I’m gone all that much. I don’t know how big a hole I’ve left in existence. In their worlds there is only one person missing, while inside me is this gigantic abyss filled with aching where all of them used to be. But I actually don’t mind so much. I am finding myself up here, under these clear skies and amidst this timelessness. I can feel myself evolving towards something I only ever dreamt of, and I realise that I’ve been doing so for a long time now. And the adventure carries ever on. I’m learning to live.

I need to live life, like some people never will

So find me kindness, find me beauty, find me truth

Another chance to lift my life

Free the sensation in my heart

To ride the wings of dreams into changing horizons

It brings inner peace within my mind

The way your heart sounds makes all the difference

It’s what decides if you’ll endure the pain that we all feel

The way your heart beats makes all the difference in learning to live

Here before me is my soul, I’m learning to live

Love and beauty and truth,

Winterdragon